Friday, August 24, 2018

Rainy day, Almost autumn

Fridays are my day off, and I typically spend them following up on loose ends, responding to student emails, sleeping in, staying in my pajamas, cuddling with the pets, watching TV. I love Fridays. 

This was the first week of the semester, and since I taught exclusively online last semester, it's been awhile since I've been on campus. I forgot how difficult it is to be a body in front of other bodies, especially a fat, queer, disabled body in a room full of athletic young adolescents. I'm working on building a work capsule wardrobe, because dressing for work is one of my most stressful areas, but until then, I'm just trying to make do. The weather has been that weird mix of cold in the morning then suddenly hot by afternoon, so it's hard to dress for. I wasn't happy with my outfits this week, and I need to get my pants hemmed, because I tripped over them. I heard my students whispering about my body. Sometimes I want to turn around and scream, "YES I'M FAT! YES, I LOOK LIKE A DYKE. I'm well aware that I'm both of those things."

My hair, too, is in an awkward growing out stage. I shaved off most of it this summer, except for what I call a little forelock. I dyed it purple this summer, but for the school year, it is back to bleached out blonde, and my hairdresser recommended waiting to do anything else to it for awhile to let it get a little healthier. I think I'm going to go back to my natural color, though, because I'm sick of the maintenance of being blonde, especially with a short hair cut.

I haven't felt well this week. After I fell on my knee, I could hardly walk, and my fibro has been flaring pretty badly. I'm stressed. But it's a rainy day, and I got to sleep in listening to the rain, and I'm journaling in my leather Traveler's Notebook from Chic Sparrow with my fountain pen, and sipping some delicious tea, and I have my pups at my feet, and things could be worse.